Porn and Pong has two of the hottest controversies that are NOT the current economic crisis our world is facing and tackles them in a pretty good way.

It’s funny. When I was talking withsome friends about reading about a book about sex in videogames, the only game people would mention would be Grand Theft Auto. None of the people who I talked this with would think about Lara Croft, or good old Custer’s Revenge or Leisure Suit Larry.

Some of us remembered the Nintendo Seal, however, being…what? 10 -15 years old, we just thought it was a quality (as in things done perfectly) seal and not a quality (where games are for the whole family, and not just for adults) seal that said “We, Nintendo, promise this is a safe game for the children”.

There’s probably so much sex in videogames that we barely pay attention to it. But that’s because Movies, Music and Television have also been piling it on in our faces, regardless of time or audience. Take as a very simple, unknown, example. My totally hot Blood Elf in World of Warcraft. Well, there are tons of those hot blood elves running around Azeroth, but, for someone “a little bit” more well known, how about Lara Croft, the first digital pinup for playboy?

I wish I was “legal” back in the times of Custer’s Revenge and Leisure Suit Larry. Imagine if those games were brought back! Sadly, with AO Ratings, all of these pieces of sexual history would never be sold.

I’m interested also, after reading a lot from Gamepolitics.com and other game related news sites, how weird people can be, with their “Think of the Children” attitude. I mean, you people get stressed just because the word “climax” was used in a videogame ad? Dearest…please go and give a nice, cold shower to your idiotic dirty mind.

So when people started seeing too much sex (really, is there something as too much sex?) and found out about a mod (that’s something that modifies a videogame) created by gamers let you see a sex scene in Grand Theft Auto, two things happened:

1. Parents got angry and scared

2. Someone called Jack Thompson

Nevermind that Grand Theft Auto is classified as Mature by the ESRB. Nevermind that a new game usually costs $40 – $60 dollars and kids usually don’t have that kind of money. Please, THINK OF THE CHILDREN because we’re seeing nudity in a Mature game.

Both industries are continuously growing. Videogames more than porn, though, and, little by little they will definitely become something as normal as Rock music and Comic books.

Yup. Just like those.

Head over to the different rides and games, where you can ride on Krishna’s hands or the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s Noodly Appendage! Get an FSM plush toy by pinning the hand on Krishna or hitting Buddha directly on his belly! Go ahead and visit Jesus’s Tent, with his world renowned magic of coming back from the dead three days after being killed, feeding a crowd of 5,000 people with only five small loaves of bread and two fishes and making the best wine out of nothing but water! Jump on Buddha’s belly! There’s fun for each and every one of Whichever God You Might Prefer creatures!

Please… ignore the masses of obsessive religious people who try to block your way to fun and enlightenment! They hold on to their own personal version of the Truth and don’t accept others. They have been damaged or educated in a way that they need to hold on to their Truth and can’t see how other Truths would help. They don’t understand that maybe, just maybe, all Truths are one. Their choice of Deity could just be a different aspect of a fun, all knowing, all loving God.

What’s the cost of each ride? Not much, or probably the highest cost ever, depends on how you see it. Your beliefs. If you leave your beliefs at the entrance of our Religion park, you’ll get every ride for free. You just have to stop thinking you own the only Truth. It could be that you only have a little bit of the truth, and the Catholics have some other little piece, the Buddhists another and so on. We search so much for one truth, and when we find bits and pieces of it, we hang on to it as if our life depended on it. Can you imagine, the Catholic Old Testament God, always angry and vengeful? Or what about Buddha, who doesn’t believe in evil? and the Flying Spaghetti Monster, sanctifying pirates.

Come on, forget your beliefs… He (or she) in any of the forms that have been taken over history, didn’t come to Earth to scare us. He(She) came to help us out.

We have a fun God to celebrate! As someone once said “Take sex for example. There’s nothing funnier then the faces people make mid-coitus.” If God had wanted sex to be scary, dangerous and taboo, (S)He wouldn’t have made it so pleasurable. And, come on, if you’ve watched porn when you’re not horny, you KNOW it’s true. Sex is funny looking!

Just come in, have fun, enjoy the rides. God wouldn’t want you to NOT have fun!

Now, maybe I’m a nympho or maybe I’m jaded because of unknown reasons, but… does this look like an extreme scene of sex who you wouldn’t show anyone under 18, or 21, depending on where you live?

So they’ve been calling it “virtual orgasmic rape” and “They’re seeing them as these objects of desire, as these hot bodies. They don’t show women as being valued for anything other than their sexuality. And it’s a man in this game deciding how many women he wants to be with.” No. Really.

Now, to my second point. The “Virtual orgasmic rape” idea came from this “conservative” blogger called Kevin McCullough who, interestingly enough had never played or seen the game (personally, I haven’t either). However, what happened here was that gamers from all over the world went into his blog, where a lot of them discussed this intelligently with him, while a few others wouldn’t stop telling him stuff like “fuck you” or “stoopid noob”. I do NOT condone the second gamer demographic, however, after reading the comments, and hearing them call Mr. McCullough on his radio show with intelligent comments, I am happy to report that column was taken down.

Now for the funny part: “They’re seeing them as these objects of desire, as these hot bodies. They don’t show women as being valued for anything other than their sexuality. And it’s a man in this game deciding how many women he wants to be with.” This woman, Lawrence Cooper, who is supposedly an expert psychologist and bla bla bla, said that. Reading a bit about her, she writes for Cosmopolitan… COSMOPOLITAN and had NEVER played the game, probably had never played A game. Now to make you understand. Cosmopolitan is, to me personally, one of the worst publications. I see it at newsstands and I will probably stare morbidly at their blurbs but I would never, not even at a doctor’s office where there’s nothing else to do, read it. For me, this screams about just wanting to get everyone’s attention.

So gamers AGAIN got angry, with very much justified right. This time, the attack was different. Suddenly, the reader reviews of her new book over at amazon.com were terrible. Most interestingly, the people who reviewed it mentioned “I haven’t read it”. You see, gamers thought that, since she hadn’t even seen nor played Mass Effect and judged it, they could’ve not read her book and judge it. They did mention why they were reviewing it though, and the book went down under as a best seller.

So she kind of apologized “I recognize that I misspoke. I really regret saying that, and now that I’ve seen the game and seen the sex scenes it’s kind of a joke.” Probably because she found out that her book will probably not make her as much money as it would if she hadn’t said all those things.

Oh, what did she say? Here you go:

Definitely… gamers are a force to be wary of.

As a last point, EA’s Vice President, Jeff Brown, wrote to Fox News saying, among other things “The resulting coverage was insulting to the men and women who spent years creating a game which is acclaimed by critics for its high creative standards. As video games continue to take audiences away from television, we expect to see more TV news stories warning parents about the corrupting influence of interactive entertainment. But this represents a new level of recklessness.”

I am glad that we are all standing up to ourselves.